Merry We Meet!!

This is my space to share, rant, rave, and even do a little bragging about my life choices, family, and where each are taking me.

Many people think 'witch' and immediately jump to the conclusion that I am some weirdo who's home smells like stale incense and thinks Mr. Potter is end all be all of magick. I hate to disappoint, but I am as normal as the next person. As much as a person can be normal.

So, please read on. Enjoy my trials and tribulations. Hopefully, you can learn something from the mistakes I make and the good fortunes that come my way.

You can follow me on Instagram @Witchmomma

~Blessed Be~

Nyx and I

Nyx and I
She was keeping me company when I felt utterly miserable. My oldest took this picture of us.

My Iron Man!

My Iron Man!
This was just before his 12th birthday. 2015

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Adventures in Yoga

I have personally practiced some form of yoga since I was about 12 years old, possibly younger but those years kind of all mesh together a bit for me. My ballet instructor incorporated it into our stretching on and off the barre. I fell deeply in love with the whole ordeal, physical, spiritual, and emotional. I have been hooked since then. 

Life tends to happen though, other things began to take priority, and yoga fell to a back burner (of which I have THOUSANDS!). Never forgotten. I always returned to yoga in times of stress, heartbreak, and basically anything catastrophic. 

Like most mothers I know, I was not big on self-care. A daily yoga practice seemed like luxury to me. Time wasted on myself when I should have been cleaning, cooking, or whatever motherly/wifely thing I thought should have taken precedence over my own wants. 

One day a mind shift happened. Yoga was more than just a quick fix for my anxiety, help me get out of my own head for a while, or security blanket for when I needed to crawl back to the surface and face daylight again. 


Not only does yoga have the power to do all of those mini miracles for me, but daily yoga is more than just a series of movements. Somewhere along the line, I had forgotten that. Yoga shouldn't feel bad though, I have forgotten myself many many many times. 

My body LOVES yoga. The deep stretches, the connection to the earth (I practice both indoors and out), and even the spiritual connection I am blessed with makes my body feel better. I feel 50 feet tall when I am outside reaching for the sky next to my trees. My body gains strength, flexibility, muscle tone, and even weight loss (which isn't so much a goal as a perk at this point).

What I have learned over the years is that yoga is not just a physical practice for me. It helps me understand my emotions and process them. I connect better with those around me, family, friends, and even strangers when I practice daily. 

My techie teenager rolls his eyes at me because I am "such a hippie mom!". He's not wrong. I am very bohemian in ways, but I am who I am and I embrace that. He does too when he's not being "too cool for all that stuff". 

My daily practice has spread like wild fire through our house. The youngest is always dragging out the mat, learning a new pose, or randomly meditating in bizarre places (Like while balancing on my Mother's back yard swing railing). The husband has started up a yoga practice of his own. We spend time each night doing yoga together with our kid(s) AND animals... downward dog with a Pitbull and Chihuahua rolling around under us is rather hilarious. My husband and I have even begun practicing Acroyoga!! Talk about working through trust and body issues! I am no twig, I am amazed at the strength my husband possesses. Seriously!

Eventually, I would like to get to a point where we go to classes together, but for now, I am just happy that he practices with me at home. For some reason I was very hesitant to even bring up practicing yoga together with him. I should not have been, we talk about everything. A part of me was scared of rejection or being laughed at. Yes, even after knowing him for 16+ years, being together for 9 of them, and married for almost 3, I am still afraid of rejection. How insane is that!?

Yoga is intimate to me. Sharing something that is so important to me with the possibility of rejection IS SCARY. I never used to pull my mat out if he was home. I'm no size 0, my poses aren't perfect, the list goes on and on. It all came down to fear. 

One day I was oogling some beautiful acroyoga and wistfully dreaming that that could be us. I must have been sighing or something because he leaned over to see what I was looking at. He looked intrigued so I explained what was going on. At the end of my explanation it happened.... word vomit. I told him how I wished that we could work up to that one day and I really wanted to have a shared practice with him. He went back to whatever he was doing and there I sat, stewing in embarrassment. A few torturous moments later he nodded and said to his screen, "We could do that". 

It's been a really slow beginning, his muscles are super tight, but it's fun. We enjoy the time together. All because I couldn't stop myself from talking. I took the risk, whether or not I was ready to and it paid off in the best possible way! 

Moral of the story, don't be afraid of who you are. If the people around you love you, they will accept you. If they don't, no matter how hard it is...find new people. Put your vibe out there at full strength and your people may even find you. Don't dampen who you are just to fit into the tiny box of who someone else thinks you should be. It all comes down to love and acceptance. Love yourself. Accept who you are wholeheartedly. 

Brightest Blessings 

Thursday, July 28, 2016

A Life Evolving

This post is one that I had written for another blog that I own on my business page, Haegtessa Herbals. It is a very personal post and I believe that it also belongs here at Stay-At-Home Witchery. Both blogs suffered from severe lack of attention on my part, as did many aspects of my life right now. Without any further ado... 

One thing I have always loved (and if I am being truthful... sometimes hate, loathe, and despise) is that LIFE is in constant change. We are not the same person from one day to the next, nor should we be. If we do not strive for change we become stuck in a rut. Our lives become boring routines that plod on from one day to the next. I am about to get really deep for a little while, here is a little brutal honesty that I have recently discovered about myself.

I fell in love with the IDEA of owning Haegtessa Herbals. One day, possibly, turning this dream business into a physical store in a small town. Having the perfect setup, the perfect concoction, or herb for whatever ailed the person who wandered into my shop. I have always been a dreamer and a perfect planner. My plans, however, grew far beyond my budget and my reality. The moment HH became stress, I pulled away from my dream and just decided that it was impossible for me to accomplish.

I fell into my normal pattern of avoidance and abandoned my once passionate love for my dream. Unfortunately, this time I didn't just abandon one dream. I lost my passion for ALL of them. I began spiraling even worse. Everything I had once loved or had a passion for vanished. My tarot cards began gathering dust. The pens I use for spinning beautiful tales of far away places dried up. It was to the point that I could barely tell a unique story to my children.

My life had lost it's color. I was forcing myself to clean the house, feed myself decent food, even petting my dogs became a chore. I fell into the habit of losing myself in the drama of social media, allowing the toxic anger, hatred, and outrage felt by others to seep into me and consume my life. Why? I do not have an actual reason for it. I felt like a sponge soaking up the negativity that the world around me was exuding. I was waking up every single morning and going to bed every single night ANGRY, hurting, and miserable.

Then.... I unplugged.

I unplugged from everything. My social media accounts, messenger apps, phone calls, text messages, friends, extended family, and almost everything else that did not consist of the people I live with. At first I was so soul-deep exhausted that I didn't feel a void or loss at all. Practically nothing mattered to me. I was angry. At myself for letting outside influences get to me this way, my friends for not being there when I needed them the most (pre-unplugged that is), and at society for being so blind to the real problems that face us. I seethed anger and sadness.

For weeks I refused to speak to anyone. I posted random pictures here and there through Instagram just so people would know I am still alive. Deep down, I was broken. My soul was in chaos. Then one day I woke up and the first thing that went through my head wasn't some dumb argument that transpired the night before. It wasn't sadness over another child being shot or some political debate that was spewing hatred. The first thing I thought was, 'I feel so loved this morning.' as I was laying in bed with my youngest's arm draped around my neck and my husband curled against my side. It was then I realized that I had let so much negativity fill my very being that I was losing these moments.

I had a monumental mind shift. I let go of the anger and sadness that was being caused by the world and people around me. I quit telling myself that I couldn't do things. This pertained at first to my ability to draw and paint but quickly consumed every aspect of my life.

I got creative, like REALLY creative. I began writing and crafting again. Painting became a new favorite past time of mine. I found a new appreciation and love of color. My wardrobe changed. Once monochromatic and pretty modern; it's now bursting with color and has a beautiful bohemian vibe to it. I spend more time outdoors (this is also due to medical cannabis, my flare ups have decreased immensely over the past 6 months). My skin is more tan now than in the past 15 years combined!

Through all of this, I have realized a few very important things about myself. 
  • First, I am amazingly strong, as pointed out by my 4 year old son. I personally have never considered myself as such. It wasn't until my youngest pointed this out to me so matter of factly that I even considered myself as such. I swear he looked at me like I had 3 heads when I asked him what he was talking about. 
  • Second, I am surrounded by wonderful and supportive people who I am lucky enough to call my friends. They accept me for who I am, free of judgement. To me family is NOT who you were born into. Family is who loves you, raises you up when you feel like you are worthless, is judgement free, and holds space for you in their hearts even when you try to shut everyone and everything out of your own. 
  • Third, I am the most important person in my life who needs my love, acceptance, and gentleness.

This shift has benefited everyone around me as well. I think this summer has been the most event filled summer of my adult life. More importantly, it FEELS good to have so much to do. My children are happier and more interested in the world around them. We are learning so much together as a family. We are evolving... in a wonderful way.

Just like I am evolving in my personal life, Haegtessa Herbals will be evolving as well. I rarely put up blog posts regarding my personal life here on Haegtessa Herbals, but I think that was part of the problem that I began to have. I took something that was so near and dear to me and Frankenstein's Monster-ed it into a business. It was never meant to be JUST a business. Haegtessa Herbals is my passion. It needs to remain as such. Prepare for evolution to consume HH as well... Our next chapter is going to be all about rebirth, renewal, and joy.

Live your joy!

As always, thank you for dealing with insanely slow blog posts my dear readers! 

Until next time,
Brightest Blessings

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