I know, I know...

It's been quite some time since my last post. My apologies, I have been super busy and then there was a 5 day stint in the hospital with the Baby while he had minor surgery (which I just don't feel like talking about). But he's all healthy and back to being my living room terrorist!

Today's focus (as long as I don't get off topic) was sparked by a Facebook post in a group that I belong to. It asked, in essence, how you came to believe/practice the way you do and the judgement that followed. I know I have glanced over this topic in a post when I first started this blog a little over a year and a half ago, but I never really went into detail (at least I don't think I did). 

It started over 2 decades ago, as I sat there listening to our bible lesson on Christmas and I remember thinking to myself that it was a boring story and why do I care what happened a bazillion years ago. I was a pretty precocious child. I felt no sense of wonder and awe like the kids around me did.  

As the years went on I began to question more and more of what they were telling me. They never really had any answers and just danced around the questions like the Mexican Hat Dancers. By the time I was a teenager I had had a complete disconnect with the "One and Only God". I gave the pastor of the church a horrible time in Catechism simply because I was questioning and debating him on everything. I was drawn to witchcraft on a purely research based level at this time. I had to learn everything I could about it. 

But being from a very Christian family I tried my damnedest to not be the black sheep that I was turning out to be. When my grandmother died ( I was 14) Everyone around me drew comfort in the fact that she was "with God now". But in my heart, I knew I'd see her again in another life. It wasn't even a question in my mind. 

After her death I began to devour anything and everything I could about multiple world religions. I studied for years and years, monotheism, polytheism, paganism, Hindu, Santeria, Hoodoo, Voodoo, Buddhism, Druidism, and a host of ancient religions. I felt lost in a void, missing a huge part of myself, being that I am a very spiritual person and I KNEW answers were out there somewhere. But I was still trying to be a "good Christian" and force myself into a belief structure that I just could NOT find faith in.

I was 18 when I stopped going to church. And I was about 20 when the pastor basically ex-communicated me (I was also kicked out of a Theology class in college for asking too many questions and debating the professor). *insert shrug here* I didn't care. I had read all the books on Christianity that he had given me and had 10 pages of questions that he simply couldn't answer. So, I started searching for somewhere I belonged. I knew it was out there. I went to temples, synagogues, mosques, you name it. I immersed myself in each religion hoping to find what was missing. All the while all my research kept coming back to different forms of paganism and the occult.    

I was about 24(ish) when I finally found what I believed to be true. I sat back one day with all these different research books and I realized that every single religion had the same basic principals with some variances. That was when I discovered my Truth. Every religion I studied had something that rang true with me. From that, I created my own "religion". Choosing a religion "buffet style" (as my previous pastor called it). I don't call what I practice a buffeted religion. I claim myself as an eccletic pagan who practices the art of witchcraft. 

My Goddesses are sacred to me and they showed me the way. I don't include Gods in this just yet because I have not connected with any specifically, but I do believe there are Gods, many in fact. I don't believe any religion is right or wrong. My belief is that you MUST find what is true to you. Hence the reason I call my path "My Truth". What works for me doesn't have to work for you or even for the rest of my family. 

As for judgement, I don't hide the fact that I am a pagan. Nor did I come right out and tell my family that I was. Well... that was true up until a few weeks ago. My family was having a religious debate and I gave my opinion. When asked what it was I believed I figured now was as good a time as any, and answered honestly, "I am a pagan". You could have heard a pin drop 3 miles away. Then the conversation quickly switched topics to politics and I walked away with a smile on my face. It felt good to be true to myself and not hide behind a mask.

I am not afraid to be the black sheep or not fit in someone's mold. No one should be afraid of being themselves. It's hard to against family expectations, but others don't know what's best for you... only YOU know that. They can help guide you, but it's important to know when to follow and when to blaze your own trail. I've got a great machete and a compass forged by the Gods, I've got this! Do you?

Brightest Blessings to my amazing readers!!
                  )O(