The sick mom

'Why can't you just play with me!?'

It's a question I hear, especially when it's nice out, very often. I've been sick my kids' entire life. The baby is too young to know that he is being affected by it yet. However, the eldest one, he wants to play soccer with me, Frisbee, and bike rides. I just can't. 

It is heartbreaking half the time to know that it is not possible for me to do everything that normal moms do. Or even things that I used to be able to do. I can say that I do everything that I am capable of. Puddle jumping and dancing in the rain is very common since I am supposed to avoid sunlight as much as possible. 

It's difficult to have a mom with a chronic illness. It's more difficult to have children and have a chronic illness. They don't understand that some days I'm fine. Other days, I feel as though I am being smashed to pieces with a hammer from the inside!

Lupus Awareness

Spiritually, it took a toll for the first few years. And yes, I mean years. I hated the Gods for cursing me with this disease (SLE Lupus). I felt as if everything I loved was stolen from me. Hiking, swimming, beaches, kayaking, camping, all-day concerts, parks, basically anything outdoors! Different foods, fish! Alcohol! I loved my whiskey! 

I was so angry I refused to change anything. I lived my life the way I always had. By the Gods did I pay for it! I went through so much pain for those few very stubborn years. Days were spent in agony, laid out in bed unable to move at all without gut wrenching pain.

Well, after I got over my few year long pout I began to look at my life differently. I adjusted my habits, diet, and way I looked at my life. Yes, I have Lupus. No, I was not going to let it control me. I still have my bad days. My kids learn at a very young age that mommy doesn't feel good a lot and needs to be left alone, i.e. not touched at all. However, they also learn a great compassion for those who are hurting, ill, or injured.

Me...well today was a horrible day. My hands were so swollen that my wedding ring was cutting off the circulation to my finger! But I still got up, did dishes, cleaned house, swept, mopped, and vacuumed. Why? Because according to my friend, I'm a Viking! Lol. By that she means that I am a warrior. I refuse to give in, even when it'd be understandable for me to curl up on the couch and not move all day.

I want that to be the example my kids take away from my being sick. Just because things don't work out the way they are "supposed too" doesn't mean you can't find a way to work! The Gods gave me a test to see how much I could handle. I thought I was failing. I surprised even myself when I found a strength inside of me that I didn't realize I had!

Keep fighting, even when you think it's impossible!

Brightest Blessings dear readers!
            )O(